Stomach Ailments

Ok, ok. It's basketball news, but too goofy to pass up. Memphis freshman Derrick Rose had a stomach problem that caused him to miss media sessions. He's still expected to play against Kansas for the title.

The response from his teammates:

"He eats Gummy Bears and Starburst for breakfast, and Twizzlers and Honey Buns for dinner. That's why his stomach hurts," fellow guard Chris Douglas-Roberts said. "We tell Derrick the whole year, 'Stop eating so many Gummy Bears and Sour Straws.' But he can't. ... Nobody eats Gummy Bears more than him."

Too many gummy bears? Jesus. Derrick Rose, you make Percy Harvin look like the model of health.

Surely, you jest.