So.

Huh.

You're looking well.

We've missed you.

It's just, you know, we've been so busy at work and everything. Life, you know? We've just been slammed. Just one of those months, everything comes at you, right?

Yeah, no, things have calmed down a lot now. Yeah, we're free.

Buy you a drink?

Lassos, Snoop Dog, and an Elf

WTF, Y'all? A selection of bizarre news for you today.

1. George O'Leary has a plan for slowing down Miami this weekend:

"Lassos. Issue lassos to your team and hope they can get them," [O'Leary] said.

He then went on to say something about playing position defense and maybe, maybe, not sucking this week. We stopped listening after the lassos bit, actually. The depressing thing is that this idea is his best coaching strategem at UCF (narrowly edging out the perennial favorite: run on first down, run on second down, throw an incomplete pass on third down, punt on fourth down).

Incidentally, UM is going to be playing crippled on Saturday, if this list of injuries is any indication.

2. LSU coach Les Miles is down with his own bad self . . . and Snoop:

Snoop Dogg came on stage during a Miles press conference, and the coach busted out a few spontaneous lines from Snoop Dogg songs, including “Sensual Seduction.” “My performance? I think I’m the worst rapper in the history of rap,” Miles said. “My performance is certainly something that was no more than a weak attempt at Snoop’s style of music.”

Urban Meyer's comment when told of this?

“Les is friends with Snoop?” Meyer said. “Good for him.”

3. Elf? But who gets to be the half-naked barbarian babe? Texas Tech coach Mike Leach calls Wide Receiver Eric Morris "The Elf."

"He calls me the evil elf because he has all these different things: elves are small, they're generally pretty mean and they corner well," Morris told the Tech student newspaper the Daily Torreador. "They're good with a dagger -- he goes on and on about how elves have different traits, and he thinks that I fit the traits of an elf. He thinks that I do well with the football in my hands and calls the football my dagger."

This is an image of an evil elf. We know this, because it is what google image search told us. We are unclear on how this evil elf wipes himself. Probably very, very carefully.

"Boycott the Sentinal! Go UCF!"

Our passing game is almost as good as our spelling.Shortly before the UCF-SMU game, fans hired a plane to fly a banner reading, "Boycott the Sentinal! Go UCF!" The proposed boycott is presumably a response to the Orlando Sentinel's harsh coverage of George O'Leary.

You know, this is the sort of spelling-related nonsense we expect from vital-chromosome-lacking USF fans. Ah, well.

Please let us know if you have a picture of this amazing banner.

Idaho? No-- u da Ho.

Look, it's almost funny if you read it aloud.

At any rate, Idaho Vandals cheerleaders now have to change their uniforms which are evidently far, far too sexy for people from that miserable state. An example of the sexiness that must absolutely be stopped:


Wow, that's, uh . . . well. Two pieces and a weird little vest thing sometimes. That's clearly far too titillating for Idahoan sensibilities. A pity, too, since the Idaho Vandals are one of the worst teams in college football. Certainly, no one is watching the team. I guess that's how folks came to be deeply emotionally distressed and distraught about the uniforms:

"A number of fans were concerned that the uniforms were inappropriate," said Bruce Pitman, dean of students. "To be fair, there were a number of fans who liked them."

Jesus. And it's not just the fault of these overly-garment-fixated fans:

"Girls are just bigger these days, not everybody's a size zero," [a cheerleading advisor] said. "We're not being a bunch of prudes."

This is actually the second uniform change of the year for the Vandals cheerleaders. Earlier, officials remove the "UI" logo which was on the rear of the pants.

Oh You Dirty, Dirty, Boy

Media types calling George O'Leary got connected to a phone sex line. Presumably not on purpose.

Apparently, the UCF athletics communications director screwed up one digit on a conference call. The phone was answered:

"Hello, sexy. You've reached the one-on-one fantasy line."

What is our fantasy? Mmmm...UCF in the Big East, playing and beating USF every year.

Don't think O'Leary can provide that one.

United States Chief Justice Roberts to Watch Gators Crush Canes

Chief Justice John Roberts will be on hand to watch the Gators win over the 'Canes this Saturday. Roberts will be in Gainesville to judge the University of Florida law school moot court competition.

Mr. Chief Justice will be tailgating with Senator Mel Martinez and Governor Charlie Crist. We do not anticipate that many beers will be chugged.

Too bad, really.

We Learned Something New Today!

Today, we learned that when he was in college, Dubya Bush was arrested for trying to tear down a field goal post after a football game. After Yale beat Princeton at Princeton,

Bush and his friends charged the field and tried to knock down the goal posts. Police caught the boy trying to tear apart the goal posts to take a chunk home as a souvenir.

Whew. IVY LEAGUE FOOTBALL! Get excited y'all. I know that I'd never be able to contain myself

Apparently, this incident will appear in Oliver Stone's forthcoming film about the life of Dubya.

Future President? Seems unlikely, actually.

Why are our Readers Interested in Pretty Mexican Brides?

This blog uses Google Adwords. No, no one's ever clicked on one-- ever. That's ok. We feel good knowing that in roughly two thousand years, we will have earned three cents from them.

Normally, these seem pretty well keyed in to the contents of this site-- Gator gear, Knights ringtones, bowl betting tips. But for some reason, this appeared today:

Your Pretty Mexican Bride

is Waiting for You. Browse 100s of Profiles & Find Your Perfect Match!

latinwomensite.com

I wonder what contextual detail Adwords must have fixated on to come up with this gem. Truly bizarre.