Comparison of Trojans and Gators

Saurian Sagacity has a great article comparing UF and USC over the past three years. These numbers certainly tell an interesting tale for USC worshippers:


2006-2008

Florida

Record: 35-6
Opponents Records: 280-155 (64.37%)
Opponents Records Rank: 1st in NCAA
2 Conference Titles
2 BCS Titles

USC

Record: 34-5
Opponents Records: 195-208 (48.39%)
Opponents Records Rank: 79th in NCAA
3 Conference Titles
No BCS Titles

The Greater The Struggle, The More Glorious The Triumph

THESE are the times that try mens' souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands by it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman. Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only that gives every thing its value.

- Thomas Paine

National Champs.

Despite a tough opponent, despite the worst officiating we have ever seen in person, the Gators pull it out. Two interceptions, two goal line stands, one blocked kick . . . that's toughness.

Tim Tebow is Coming Back!

That. Is. Awesome.

Wow.

Odds on favorite to win the National Championship next year? You bet.

Culled from the article in the Gainesville Sun, here's everything he actually said:

"Oh and by the way, one more thing, let's do it again. I'm coming back!"

"I just love being here. I love being a Gator. I feel loyal to this place, and I want to stick it out and finish what I started here.

"It was (a tough decision). I prayed about it a long time, talked to a lot of coaches and a lot of people involved with the NFL and Coach Meyer for a long time. It was a tough decision. But I am having so much fun here and I want to enjoy it one more year."

And from Percy Harvin:

"I don't know yet. I'm kind of leaning towards coming back. I haven't made the final decision yet. So I'll sit down with Coach tomorrow and he'll help me make that decision."

Aaaaaannnd from Tebow, re: Harvin and Spikes:

"We'll talk to them a little bit, but I don't want to pressure them. I want them to make the best decision for them and they will."

On the Day of Victory

"On the day of victory, no one is tired." - Arabic proverb.

And We Struck Him Down Until Not A Single Survivor Was Left

¹ When we headed up the road to Bashan, King Og of Bashan came out against us, he and all his people, for battle at Edrei. ² The Lord said to me, ‘Do not fear him, for I have handed him over to you, along with his people and his land. Do to him as you did to King Sihon of the Amorites, who reigned in Heshbon.’ ³ So the Lord our God also handed over to us King Og of Bashan and all his people. We struck him down until not a single survivor was left. ⁴ At that time we captured all his towns; there was no citadel that we did not take from them—sixty towns, the whole region of Argob, the kingdom of Og in Bashan. ⁵ All these were fortress towns with high walls, double gates, and bars, besides a great many villages. ⁶ And we utterly destroyed them, as we had done to King Sihon of Heshbon, in each city utterly destroying men, women, and children. ⁷ But all the livestock and the plunder of the towns we kept as spoil for ourselves.
- Deuteronomy 3

That's some Biblical fury, right there.

The Persistent Fool is . . . donate your status to the FLORIDA GATORS FOR BCS PREZDENT

We're a blue state here. Orange and Blue. Perhaps you've heard?


It was amazing to see the Gators absolutely dismantle the 'Dawgs. We actually found this great video metaphor for the game:



Knowshon = Drunk Chick. Guess who The Stall Door represents?



We have no idea either. But we do know: It's great to be a Florida Gator.

So THAT was Interesting.

Loved seeing the Gators absolutely destroy LSU. Blah blah LSU lines are going to push UF around blah blah. Admittedly, we were among those predicting that LSU would win. But at least we did properly predict that the Gators would smoke the Tigers secrondary. And they did.

We have to give no end of respect to the LSU fans, who stayed in the stands long, long, long after a Gator fan would have retreated in the face of that horrible pummelling. EDSBS recently pointed out a contrast between Tiger and Gator fans:

Your team is down four touchdowns at halftime. How do you react to the GameDay cameras?
A. [sullen stare that could freeze nitrogen while pressing cellphone to ear]
B. “FUUUUCK YEEEEEW WWOOOOOOOOOOOOO TAHGERS GON GITCHA!!!” [shows breasts, regardless of gender]

In fact, we were still disappointed in a few of our fellow Gator fans. Disappointed? Yes. We were violently shushed, by two different UF fans in the student section. In. The. Student. Section. No, we were not swearing. Merely howling loudly when the Gators were on defense. Like, you know, you're suppossed to. We'll definitely cop to being excessively loud in the stands. Like, you know, you're suppossed to.

If you cannot get jacked up about crushing LSU in a night game at the Swamp that was national championship implications than I pity you. You should probably stay home and put tissue boxes on your feet. Seeing a college football game just isn't for you.

GO GATORS, and Go GATOR FANS.

We Happy Few

WESTMORELAND. O that we now had here
But one ten thousand of those men in England
That do no work to-day!

KING. What's he that wishes so?
My cousin Westmoreland? No, my fair cousin;
If we are mark'd to die, we are enow
To do our country loss; and if to live,
The fewer men, the greater share of honour.
God's will! I pray thee, wish not one man more.
By Jove, I am not covetous for gold,
Nor care I who doth feed upon my cost;
It yearns me not if men my garments wear;
Such outward things dwell not in my desires.
But if it be a sin to covet honour,
I am the most offending soul alive.
No, faith, my coz, wish not a man from England.
God's peace! I would not lose so great an honour
As one man more methinks would share from me
For the best hope I have. O, do not wish one more!
Rather proclaim it, Westmoreland, through my host,
That he which hath no stomach to this fight,
Let him depart; his passport shall be made,
And crowns for convoy put into his purse;
We would not die in that man's company
That fears his fellowship to die with us.
This day is call'd the feast of Crispian.
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam'd,
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is Saint Crispian.'
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars,
And say 'These wounds I had on Crispian's day.'
Old men forget; yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember, with advantages,
What feats he did that day. Then shall our names,
Familiar in his mouth as household words-
Harry the King, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester-
Be in their flowing cups freshly rememb'red.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remembered-
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.

LSU 21. Gators, roughly a bajillion.

Worrisome Weekend

What a worrisome (but exciting) weekend. UF gets LSU at home, and UCF travels to Miami to play the 'Canes. Despite the fact that the professional gamblers favor UF by 4, we're extremely worried that LSU will win. Frankly, they just look like the better team. Then again...their defense has not been what it should be. An anemic Auburn offense hung 21 on LSU in a game LSU edged them out with 5 points. Lowely Mississippi State put up 24 against LSU in a ten point loss. LSU's two other wins? DIV II App State and North Texas, one of the only two winless schools in Div I football.

Meanwhile, UCF seems to have no hope whatsoever. We've seen Miami play live this season, and despite their poor record, they look much better than a UCF team that had to edge out SMU. However, if UM is going to be vulnerable, this is the time. The team and fan are no doubt tropically depressed over two tough home losses. UM fans are notoriously fickle, and are not coming to this game. The team is young, the coaching staff is bad in terms of game day coaching. Also, UM has a ton of injuries, including several starters. UM's loss against FSU has shown that they're vulnerable to a mobile QB-- and I think Greco has better wheels than Ponder. Also, UM's passing game against UCF's secondary is a favorable match-up. Their receiving corps drops a helluva lot of passes. Joe Burnett any body? Sha'reff's also great.

If only UCF were a little bit better, this would be a great opportunity to beat UM and start boasting of being better than (at least) someone in the state. But, we can't control the football, can't complete a pass, can't do much of anything. We beat a DIV II school, and SMU, one of the worst teams in the country.

We'll see. . . but this one is going to go UM's way.

Well, This Has Gone Poorly

Siiiigggghhh. Ole Miss 31, UF 30? Ugh. Clearly, the best team on the field won. We're never sure if that makes a loss more or less disappointing. We couldn't hold on to the ball, couldn't make a big play.

There is some silver lining in that the SEC East remains wide open thanks to Georgia's loss against a murderous 'Bama squad.

But UCF? No silver lining after a Knight of Futility. UTEP hammered UCF 58-13. UTEP? Oh yes-- with this win, they snaped what was the longest current losing streak in the country. When you can't beat UTEP. . . uh, you're probably not going to beat damn near anyone. The Knights' season thus far certainly casts doubt on O'Leary's coaching acumen.

We don't need to make firegeorgeoleary.com yet. But losses like this tell us that George O'Leary has brought the program about as far as he can. To get to the next level, we'll be needing someone else.

Gators 2009 Football Schedule

Ladies and Gentlemen, your (tentative) Florida Gators 2009 Football Schedule:

September 5 Charleston Southern, at home.
September 12 Troy, at home.
September 19 Tennessee, at home.
September 26 Kentucky, away.
October 10 LSU, away.
October 17 Arkansas (Homecoming)
October 24 Mississippi State, at home
October 31 World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party
November 7 Vandy, at home.
November 14 South Carolina, away.
November 21 FIU, at home.
November 28 Florida State, at home

Wow, what a fluff schedule. LSU away is always a scary game. Georgia should still be strong next year...

...and...

huh.

Charleston Southern, FIU, Troy? That's, uhm, exhausting. And also FSU has lost its luster in recent years. We're pretty underwhelmed by the out of conference schedule. We much preferred playing a respectable WAC team, Hawaii, and traditional superpower UM.

Fewer Arrests at UCF-USF than UF-UM

The Orlando Sentinel announces that there were fewer arrests UCF-USF game at the UF-UM game.

As if that were a good thing. When will people realize that we will not get the respect we deserve as a football school until there are more arrests at our game? At UCF there were 5 custodial arrests and 31 notices to appear (non-custodial arrests). UF police arrested 50 people.

We were saddened initially, until we realized this:

Attendance at the UCF game was about half that at the UF game. So proportionately, UCF may actually have had MORE arrests....

The UF statistic of 50 arrests does not specify whether notices to appear (non-custodial arrests) were counted separately (as UCF counted them) or incorporated into the "50 arrests" figure. If they were incorporated...then the UCF game DID in fact have a higher proportion of arrest-per-game-attendee!

Our quest for football school legitimacy continues!

See you in 2013

Gators 26, 'Canes 3.

Well, that was not as easy as it should have been.

We had a great time seeing a bitter rivalry renewed, and finally getting that damn UM monkey of our collective backs.

Miami should be proud of a ferociously physical team that will mature and be amazing. We'd like to get this one on the record: in a soft ACC with an incredibly favorable conference schedule, Miami is our pick for ACC Champion. You can begin chuckling now, but we feel it in our bones.

We were thrilled to see a huge Gator crowd, but disappointed to see so very few Miami fans.

See more of you in 2013, when the teams meet again.

United States Chief Justice Roberts to Watch Gators Crush Canes

Chief Justice John Roberts will be on hand to watch the Gators win over the 'Canes this Saturday. Roberts will be in Gainesville to judge the University of Florida law school moot court competition.

Mr. Chief Justice will be tailgating with Senator Mel Martinez and Governor Charlie Crist. We do not anticipate that many beers will be chugged.

Too bad, really.

Melikalikimaka is Hawaii's Way to Say Merry Christmas to You

Thanks Hawaii. That was easy. It may have not been stunning to beat Hawaii 56-10, but it did make us very happy:

1. Tim Tebow didn't have to do very much. Thank God. Tebow was 9 of 14 for 137 yards and one touchdown. It's a nice change from when Tebow had to put every game on his back and carry it. Tebow was still in the game longer than necessary, but at least Urban was not afraid to yank him out and put in Cam Newton when it was time to ram it in like a gentleman.

2. People with names other than Tebow can run with the ball. Brandon James returned a punt 74 yards for a touchdown. Rainey and Demps, who warps time and space, took off on 33 yard and 62 yard touchdown runs, respectively.

3. I can has a secondary? Yes, ask Ahmad Black about that. Black intercepted two passes, returning one for a touchdown. The awesomely named Major Wright and Jacques Rickerson also picked off two passes. Wright returned his for a touchdown as well.

We'll be eager to see how the Gators fare against a real team.

Something Happened While We Weren't at the Keyboard!

UF grabbed two more recruits for next year: Mike Gillislee and Nu'Keese Richardson.

Gillislee chose Florida over offers from Michigan, Auburn, Da U, The Fightin' Zooks, NC State, Notre Dame, Clemson, South Carolina, and others.

Nu'Keese Richardson committed to UF over offers from Georgia, Michigan, and both USCs. Nu'Keese, we welcome you and your first name.

...

...Oh, look. College Football News has things to say about UF.

Hmph. Back to the off-season doldrums...go read about Joakim Noah's pot arrest or something.

BLAM! BLAM!

Because guns and college football players go together so, like, awesomely:

UCF Cornerback Johnell Neal got shot with an assault rifle. Said the Baton Rouge police department:

"Suspects were apparently hiding beside [his family's] house and waiting for the right opportunity to shoot him while he was standing in front of the house."

UF's early enrollee Matt Patchan also got popped. He was shot in the shoulder at a park in Brandon. He's expected to recover in three weeks. Of course, a lot of UM fans threatened to kill him after he committed to UF instead of UM...this probably, definitely, has definitely nothing to do with those maniacs.

Peace Out, Hornsby

See you later. It takes a truly special kind of jackass to fraudulently use a dead woman's credit card for months.

Post-Draft Mash-Up

We wanted to gather some of our post-draft thoughts in one place. There were obvious stories, and then there were little nuggets of information too interesting to be left out, and too unimportant to justify their own posts:

1) DARREN MCFADDEN'S MOTHER WAS A CRACK ADDICT? DO YOU UNDERSTAND? CRACK ADDICT! CRACK ADDICTS SMOKE CRACK, WHICH IS WHAT DARREN MCFADDEN'S MOTHER DID, MAKING HER A CRACK ADDICT. Thank you, thank you for that, ESPN. If you hadn't reminded us every three minutes that Darren McFadden's mother was a crack addict, we might have never remembered. Now, we very sure of this fact. Very, very sure! After all, we heard it dozens and dozens of time during your broadcast! We now feel comfortable approaching strangers on the street to have discussions about the all-important fact that Darren McFadden's mother was a crack addict. Granted, when I close my eyes, I have visions of Darren McFadden's mother inhaling crack smoke out of an apple. Price you pay, I guess! Thanks ESPN!

2) Kevin Smith went in the 3rd round. HE IS NOT A CRACK ADDICT. DON'T CONFUSE HIM WITH DARREN MCFADDEN'S MOTHER WHO IS A CRACK ADDICT. The third C-USA running back taken, Smith should get a lot of carries early on for the Lions. We predict a short but fruitful NFL career before the hits wear him out/break him down. This guy is going to get more carries then...uh...something that carries quite a lot.

2.5) Josh Sitton of the Knights went dead last in the 4th round. To Green Bay. Wow. Geez. Not a lot to say about that, other than whenever we mention Green Bay and UCF in the same sentence, it makes us nostalgic for Atari Bigby's hair.

No, this post isn't really about you at all. But when else do we get to shoehorn in a reference to our favorite player whose name is the Japanese word for "attack?"

Quatro) Oh, some Gator boys were picked, too. Derrick Harvey went to the Jaguars as the result of a surprising trade up. Andre "Bubba" Caldwell got snagged by Cincinnati. Tony Joiner (of "breaking-into-a-tow-lot-to-steal-back-a-car") fame was signed as a free agent. Carlton Medder and Drew Miller were also signed as free agents.

<*) Miami's going streaking! 14th year in a row! Everybody to the Quad. UM, like Will Ferrell, is still streaking. But just barely.

%) GGGGGEEEEE-NOOOOOO. FSU's Geno Hayes went in the sixth round. Uh, wow! This is of course the same guy who said he was going to "end" Tim Tebow, shortly before UF clobbered FSU 45-12. He made one tackle the entire game, and pushed an elderly journalist after it. Oh, he also had to be tasered outside a Tallahassee club one time. Drafted in the sixth round? Couldn't happen to a nicer guy, as far as we're concerned. Oh yeah, FSU Players fared pretty badly in the draft overall.

3+2+1) Mmm...Sweet Schadenfreude. One of our least favorite players, Colt Brennan, was taken in round six at pick number 186. Astute readers (Hell, we guess you don't really need to be astute to pick up on this) know that we hate/love-to-hate Colt Brennan: we gloated when he failed miserably at the Senior Bowl, and we watched gleefully as his poor performance in the Sugar Bowl got Don Ho kicked out of Heaven. We normally like felonious football players-- it's fun as Hell to write about them-- but this guy's felony convictions arose out of an incident in which he entered the room of a female student at Colorado and "exposed himself and fondled her." Yeah, yeah. We know the court vacated the unlawful sexual contact conviction (though the felony burglary and trespassing convictions stuck)--- But guess what? There are no burdens of proof on the internet!

Anyway, buried in the sixth round is a fine place for this guy. Unlike DARREN MCFADDEN'S MOTHER, COLT BRENNAN IS NOT A CRACK ADDICT. Or, at least, so we think.

...or so this adorable cat informed me.