Preston Parker Missing...Two Games?

Yes, FSU's Preston Parker is missing a whooping two games. Why? Oh, yeah, some thing that involved cannabis and a .45. Parker pleaded guilty to two misdemeanors arising out of that incident.

That...is some incredibly lax punishment for what started out as a felony and a misdemeanor.

Post-Draft Mash-Up

We wanted to gather some of our post-draft thoughts in one place. There were obvious stories, and then there were little nuggets of information too interesting to be left out, and too unimportant to justify their own posts:

1) DARREN MCFADDEN'S MOTHER WAS A CRACK ADDICT? DO YOU UNDERSTAND? CRACK ADDICT! CRACK ADDICTS SMOKE CRACK, WHICH IS WHAT DARREN MCFADDEN'S MOTHER DID, MAKING HER A CRACK ADDICT. Thank you, thank you for that, ESPN. If you hadn't reminded us every three minutes that Darren McFadden's mother was a crack addict, we might have never remembered. Now, we very sure of this fact. Very, very sure! After all, we heard it dozens and dozens of time during your broadcast! We now feel comfortable approaching strangers on the street to have discussions about the all-important fact that Darren McFadden's mother was a crack addict. Granted, when I close my eyes, I have visions of Darren McFadden's mother inhaling crack smoke out of an apple. Price you pay, I guess! Thanks ESPN!

2) Kevin Smith went in the 3rd round. HE IS NOT A CRACK ADDICT. DON'T CONFUSE HIM WITH DARREN MCFADDEN'S MOTHER WHO IS A CRACK ADDICT. The third C-USA running back taken, Smith should get a lot of carries early on for the Lions. We predict a short but fruitful NFL career before the hits wear him out/break him down. This guy is going to get more carries then...uh...something that carries quite a lot.

2.5) Josh Sitton of the Knights went dead last in the 4th round. To Green Bay. Wow. Geez. Not a lot to say about that, other than whenever we mention Green Bay and UCF in the same sentence, it makes us nostalgic for Atari Bigby's hair.

No, this post isn't really about you at all. But when else do we get to shoehorn in a reference to our favorite player whose name is the Japanese word for "attack?"

Quatro) Oh, some Gator boys were picked, too. Derrick Harvey went to the Jaguars as the result of a surprising trade up. Andre "Bubba" Caldwell got snagged by Cincinnati. Tony Joiner (of "breaking-into-a-tow-lot-to-steal-back-a-car") fame was signed as a free agent. Carlton Medder and Drew Miller were also signed as free agents.

<*) Miami's going streaking! 14th year in a row! Everybody to the Quad. UM, like Will Ferrell, is still streaking. But just barely.

%) GGGGGEEEEE-NOOOOOO. FSU's Geno Hayes went in the sixth round. Uh, wow! This is of course the same guy who said he was going to "end" Tim Tebow, shortly before UF clobbered FSU 45-12. He made one tackle the entire game, and pushed an elderly journalist after it. Oh, he also had to be tasered outside a Tallahassee club one time. Drafted in the sixth round? Couldn't happen to a nicer guy, as far as we're concerned. Oh yeah, FSU Players fared pretty badly in the draft overall.

3+2+1) Mmm...Sweet Schadenfreude. One of our least favorite players, Colt Brennan, was taken in round six at pick number 186. Astute readers (Hell, we guess you don't really need to be astute to pick up on this) know that we hate/love-to-hate Colt Brennan: we gloated when he failed miserably at the Senior Bowl, and we watched gleefully as his poor performance in the Sugar Bowl got Don Ho kicked out of Heaven. We normally like felonious football players-- it's fun as Hell to write about them-- but this guy's felony convictions arose out of an incident in which he entered the room of a female student at Colorado and "exposed himself and fondled her." Yeah, yeah. We know the court vacated the unlawful sexual contact conviction (though the felony burglary and trespassing convictions stuck)--- But guess what? There are no burdens of proof on the internet!

Anyway, buried in the sixth round is a fine place for this guy. Unlike DARREN MCFADDEN'S MOTHER, COLT BRENNAN IS NOT A CRACK ADDICT. Or, at least, so we think.

...or so this adorable cat informed me.

Foolishness

Earlier this week, FSU's Preston Parker was arrested for possession of marijuana (4.81 grams) and for carrying a concealed weapon (a .45). Ballin'. For those not aware, Parker's probably FSU's best offensive player. He appears to be working on becoming the 'Noles most criminally-offensive player as well.

Oh, that also means he's going to get charged with petty theft stemming from an earlier incident. Parker had been sent to pre-trial diversion and, had he completed it successfully, the theft charges would have been dropped. He had not yet satisfied the terms of the diversion program- though Parker had completed the educational component and done the required community service, he didn't actually pay $200 in court costs. Oops. Now that case gets kicked out of the diversion program and back on to the court's docket.

We've noticed that news outlets seem confused about whether the concealed weapon will be charged as a felony. Lawya, please! Of course it will be charged as a felony:

Fla. Stat. 790.01, Carrying Concealed Weapons
...
(2) A person who carries a concealed firearm on or about his or her person commits a felony of the third degree, punishable as provided in s. 775.082, s. 775.083, or s. 775.084.
...

You get the misdemeanor charge for concealed weapons other than firearms.

Not a felony.

Not a felony.

Felony.
(We good now?)

But we didn't want to just rag on poor felonious Preston Parker. We also wanted to point out that our emergent Gator stand-out Chris Rainey is also foolish as Hell (though not criminally):

[H]e asked to visit Meyer's house one Sunday last summer for what Meyer expected to be a serious chat (Did Rainey want out?). Turns out he just wanted to hang out with Meyer's pre-teen son Nate. "He's watching 'Ice Age' with my 9-year-old," Meyer said. "They're on the same wavelength."

Dude...what?

Recruitment Ranking Update

For what it's worth, Rivals.com says UF now has the 4th best recruiting class for 2008.
UF is the highest ranked class with under 20 members.


UM and FSU have the 5th and 8th ranked classes, respectively. UCF's class is ranked 60th in the country, not too far ahead of USF (#63).

FSU's Geeeennnnoooo to enter draft

FSU Linebacker Geno Hayes is no longer enrolled in school, and thus will likely be headed to the draft.

Hayes famously boasted the Tim Tebow "was going down" and that FSU would "shatter his dreams" . . . shortly before UF clobbered FSU, 45-12 at The Swamp. Hayes proceeded to make only one tackle in the entire game, not counting the elderly journalist he pushed after the game was over.

To be fair, he's still a better defensive player than he is a prognosticator.

Urban Meyer Announces "Pure Hate" for FSU

In a booster-oriented luncheon this afternoon, Florida coach Urban Meyer announced "pure hate" for the FSU Seminoles. If The Persistent Fool had had a pen on him, he would have jotted down the exact quote.

To paraphrase:

'Michigan and Ohio State fans have respect for each other. In the South, we do it a little differently. Between us and FSU, there's pure hate.'

This disturbingly Nazis-esque phrase sounds a little less harsh coming from someone whose last name is Meyer, and whose first name is that of a Pope.

No word as to whether Jesus approves.