Worrisome Weekend

What a worrisome (but exciting) weekend. UF gets LSU at home, and UCF travels to Miami to play the 'Canes. Despite the fact that the professional gamblers favor UF by 4, we're extremely worried that LSU will win. Frankly, they just look like the better team. Then again...their defense has not been what it should be. An anemic Auburn offense hung 21 on LSU in a game LSU edged them out with 5 points. Lowely Mississippi State put up 24 against LSU in a ten point loss. LSU's two other wins? DIV II App State and North Texas, one of the only two winless schools in Div I football.

Meanwhile, UCF seems to have no hope whatsoever. We've seen Miami play live this season, and despite their poor record, they look much better than a UCF team that had to edge out SMU. However, if UM is going to be vulnerable, this is the time. The team and fan are no doubt tropically depressed over two tough home losses. UM fans are notoriously fickle, and are not coming to this game. The team is young, the coaching staff is bad in terms of game day coaching. Also, UM has a ton of injuries, including several starters. UM's loss against FSU has shown that they're vulnerable to a mobile QB-- and I think Greco has better wheels than Ponder. Also, UM's passing game against UCF's secondary is a favorable match-up. Their receiving corps drops a helluva lot of passes. Joe Burnett any body? Sha'reff's also great.

If only UCF were a little bit better, this would be a great opportunity to beat UM and start boasting of being better than (at least) someone in the state. But, we can't control the football, can't complete a pass, can't do much of anything. We beat a DIV II school, and SMU, one of the worst teams in the country.

We'll see. . . but this one is going to go UM's way.

Lassos, Snoop Dog, and an Elf

WTF, Y'all? A selection of bizarre news for you today.

1. George O'Leary has a plan for slowing down Miami this weekend:

"Lassos. Issue lassos to your team and hope they can get them," [O'Leary] said.

He then went on to say something about playing position defense and maybe, maybe, not sucking this week. We stopped listening after the lassos bit, actually. The depressing thing is that this idea is his best coaching strategem at UCF (narrowly edging out the perennial favorite: run on first down, run on second down, throw an incomplete pass on third down, punt on fourth down).

Incidentally, UM is going to be playing crippled on Saturday, if this list of injuries is any indication.

2. LSU coach Les Miles is down with his own bad self . . . and Snoop:

Snoop Dogg came on stage during a Miles press conference, and the coach busted out a few spontaneous lines from Snoop Dogg songs, including “Sensual Seduction.” “My performance? I think I’m the worst rapper in the history of rap,” Miles said. “My performance is certainly something that was no more than a weak attempt at Snoop’s style of music.”

Urban Meyer's comment when told of this?

“Les is friends with Snoop?” Meyer said. “Good for him.”

3. Elf? But who gets to be the half-naked barbarian babe? Texas Tech coach Mike Leach calls Wide Receiver Eric Morris "The Elf."

"He calls me the evil elf because he has all these different things: elves are small, they're generally pretty mean and they corner well," Morris told the Tech student newspaper the Daily Torreador. "They're good with a dagger -- he goes on and on about how elves have different traits, and he thinks that I fit the traits of an elf. He thinks that I do well with the football in my hands and calls the football my dagger."

This is an image of an evil elf. We know this, because it is what google image search told us. We are unclear on how this evil elf wipes himself. Probably very, very carefully.

UCF Kicker in Weird Position of Playing Team He Was on Last Year

Well . . . isn't that awkward?

The Orlando Sentinel notes that kicker Daren Daly transferred from UM to UCF and received a waiver in order not miss a year. He is taking graduate courses only offered at UCF. Here's what GOL had to say in the Sentinel blog post:

When I was in preseason when we got a call on that I was surprised what was going on, but the recommendations that came back on him were very good. We just followed up. He had to do all the work. We didn't do any work as far as applying for a hardship.

"I think he is a very mature kid who has his goals set in mind. I was just talking to him last night. He wants to be a GA eventually someplace and eventually get a sports management degree and head off to the NFL in an administrative capacity, so he has his game plan set already as far as what he'd like to do with himself. I think the way the situation worked out, I don't know what happened at Miami. I never really even called there or asked about it. I do know he's a pretty good kicker, and he's healthy now. He kicked for us last week in all the phases and he'll do the same this week."

The Plebeians Speak

Mike Bianchi's Orlando Sentinel sports blog invites the plebeians to supply reasons why UCF will beat UM on Saturday, because he certainly cannot.

We'll keep our fingers crossed for one of the following (they'll be our only hope):

1. Entire UM team wiped out as the result of gang violence.
2. Mass overdoses whittle away UM squad.
3. Stray meteor destroys UM coaching staff.
4. Massive injuries continue.

Perhaps the best "reason why UCF will beat UM" that a reader supplied?

Mike, UCF only needs two things to win. First, UCF must have a higher score than Miami. Second, Miami must have a lower score. If UCF can accomplish those two things, they are almost guaranteed a win.

Posted by: Recovering UCF Fan | October 07, 2008 at 03:44 PM

We salute you, sir or madam, we salute you.

"Boycott the Sentinal! Go UCF!"

Our passing game is almost as good as our spelling.Shortly before the UCF-SMU game, fans hired a plane to fly a banner reading, "Boycott the Sentinal! Go UCF!" The proposed boycott is presumably a response to the Orlando Sentinel's harsh coverage of George O'Leary.

You know, this is the sort of spelling-related nonsense we expect from vital-chromosome-lacking USF fans. Ah, well.

Please let us know if you have a picture of this amazing banner.

Knights Win Last Game of Season!

When you have to survive SMU at home, you know you are not winning any more games this season. Okay, maybe UAB. MAYBE.

Still, we'll take it for the win that it is. Neither of the hand-off artists that we call quarterbacks performed in great fashion, though cheers to Greco for that 54 yard bomb. Jeers to Calabrese. 5 of 9 for 32? Pretty uninspiring, dude.

Looks like Ronnie Weaver will be good when he grows up. Joe Burnett continues to be amazing. Looking forward to seeing this guy on Sundays.

O'Leary Round-Up

1. O'Leary? Yes, there are a few issues there, Mike Bianchi. Good article discussing the good and bad (but mostly bad) of King George.

2. It's possible that George also has a few player management problems. There's the howling at a player who subsequently passed out on a leg press machine, ruining Steven Moffett's potential with his rough language, and, some would say, working a player to death. Who knows? At this point he may even be nipple clamping players directly to weight machines.

There's also this, from former UCF-stud-turned-much-bigger-NFL-Stud Brandon Marshall:

"[O'Leary] was a guy that told me on my pro day when I was stretching getting ready to run routes for the scouts that I didn’t have the ability to play receiver in the league because I couldn’t get separation."

Good motivation there, George. Also: good eye for talent.

UCF has a Very Bad Plan

Oh, look-- "UCF is inviting parents, students, and fans to learn more about its academic programs before the [SMU] game." This is a very bad plan. Or, depending on your perspective, an amazingly hilarious plan.

Nothing like drunk-as-Hell tailgaters mixing with those "academic" types. Beer bong with the Dean?

SMU Worst Rushing Offense in D-1

BAP. There you go. If UCF can't beat the school with the worst rushing offense, King George should be shot out of a cannon into outer space.

UCF compared to SMU: Just the Facts, Please

An Orlando Sentinel UCF blog post noted that SMU coach "June Jones says Knights are like SMU . . . Just Trying to find a way to win." We posted a comment saying that when your team is compared to SMU, you know you're in trouble. We drew this response:

I'm sorry, but we are not nearly as bad as SMU. Hopefully this comparison will wake up our team.

Posted by: ucfrocks | September 29, 2008 at 10:11 PM

Of course, it got us thinking...how do we compare? Here you go:

UCF SMU
Record 1-3 (o-1) 1-4 (0-2)
Avg. margin of loss 26.33 27.75
Total Completions 49.1% 54.9%
Total Passing Yards 530 1383
Total Rushing Yards 602 180

Yep. We're both pretty awful. The difference in the average margin of loss is pretty negligible. Apparently, SMU can air it out a little but, but they move the ball on the ground even worse than the Knights do.

And yes, this Saturday, both teams will be trying to beat their first Division 1 opponent of the season. Oh, by the way: UCF is now an ESPN Bottom 10 team. And deservedly so.

An Extremely Serious and Accurate Article About George O'Leary

September 29, 2008
By D.F. Amation
The Orlampa Slantinel

Early this morning, a torch wielding mob of UCF fans battered down the gates of the foreboding Castle O'Leary, in search of its namesake, that cruel and blotchy-faced lord of the night.

The mob found George O'Leary sitting on a throne made of the bones of former third-stringers. Reportedly, the known drunkard O'Leary was guzzling $500-a-bottle scotch from the empty skull of a Georgia Tech player and torturing endangered animals with his free hand.

The mob asked O'Leary some very cogent, reasonable, and well-thought out questions, which he absolutely refused to answer. O'Leary made a hasty retreat from his castle, possibly by turning into a booze-sweating bat or walrus and flying (or flippering, as the case may be) off.

The angry mob, emulating UCF's defensive backs, could not catch him.

Authorities soon arrived and conducted a search of Castle O'Leary. They discovered a dungeon full of players strapped by their nipples to various pieces of exercise equipment. According to one officer who was on the scene, "It was sort of like a torture chamber, if a torture chamber had more weight machines and chaffed, raw nipples."

As they waited to be loaded on to ambulances, the players shared their views on Coach O'Leary. "I really feel that he's ruined my potential," whined an emaciated Steven Moffett. "The things Coach did to me were just terrible. I was forced to endure coarse language, and sometimes even had to exert myself physically." With chattering teeth, Moffett continued, "I could have been a superstar. I had it in me. Thanks to O'Leary and all of his coarse words, now I play for the AFL 2 Thunderbirds. Coach ruined me."

Matt Prater, who authorities unlocked from a cage made of his own shame, mentioned that he was forced to flagellate himself with barbed wire after each of his many missed kicks.

A more recent player added, "Sometimes, Coach made me use a leg press. How bullshit is that, right?"

No arrests were made in connection with the events at Castle O'Leary. UCF officials stated that the costs of prosecution were too high.

Coach George O'Leary was given the opportunity to respond to this fair and balanced article, as he has been in the in the past. However, when a Slantinel reporter knocked on the coffin in which Coach O'Leary sleeps, the dastard replied that he would make no statement. The Slantinel reporter also thought he heard O'Leary say something about being too busy devouring innocent children and picking his teeth with their bones to respond. This was unable to be independently verified so, what the Hell, we printed it anyway.

Well, This Has Gone Poorly

Siiiigggghhh. Ole Miss 31, UF 30? Ugh. Clearly, the best team on the field won. We're never sure if that makes a loss more or less disappointing. We couldn't hold on to the ball, couldn't make a big play.

There is some silver lining in that the SEC East remains wide open thanks to Georgia's loss against a murderous 'Bama squad.

But UCF? No silver lining after a Knight of Futility. UTEP hammered UCF 58-13. UTEP? Oh yes-- with this win, they snaped what was the longest current losing streak in the country. When you can't beat UTEP. . . uh, you're probably not going to beat damn near anyone. The Knights' season thus far certainly casts doubt on O'Leary's coaching acumen.

We don't need to make firegeorgeoleary.com yet. But losses like this tell us that George O'Leary has brought the program about as far as he can. To get to the next level, we'll be needing someone else.

Were you Aware that George O'Leary is Kind of a Jerk?

Just in case you were not aware of it, The Orlando Sentinel has published an epic article laying out the many failings of George O'Leary, most obviously his willingness to push players hard. Nope . . . nothing timely about this article. At. All. Unless the fan ire directed at O'Leary after the recent losses suddenly makes "blahblahGeorgeO'Learyisatoomuchofatoughcoachblahblah" timely.

Here's an anecdote from the article about someone with high blood pressure, a leaky heart valve, and vasovagal syncope fainting:

So McNealy, then an 18-year-old redshirt freshman, sat down on the machine, his back angled toward the ground. He recalls O'Leary above him, yelling, "Push the weight! Push the weight!"

McNealy tried -- and then blacked out. The weight crashed down and pushed McNealy's knees into his chest. "I heard guys saying that they saw me turn blue," McNealy said. "They said they heard the air just go out of me."

The next thing McNealy could recall, he was lying down on a bench, and O'Leary was holding his hand, asking McNealy to squeeze his fingers.

Oh, no! That is very much George O'Leary's fault in a very serious way. He should have intuitively known that McNealy had undiagnosed health problems and should never have, you know, instructed a Division I football player to exercise rigorously.

And speaking of undiagnosed health problems, what George O'Leary story would be complete without:

Plancher collapsed and died following a strength-and-conditioning workout on March 18, and Plancher's parents have told state and school officials that they intend to file a wrongful-death suit against the university.

Plancher's death is a horrible, horrible tragedy. But we need to stop pinning it on George O'Leary. If we really want to take the threat of these sudden-football-workout-deaths seriously, then we should beg the NCAA to require that athletes be screened for things like sickle cell trait.

But, look, let's not get bogged down with important things like, "finding solutions that will prevent future, similar tragedies." You see, that would be too prodcutive. Rather, let's dredge up more muck to throw at George O'Leary:

"I had a bad back," [a former Georgia Tech player] told the Sentinel recently. "He put me in the middle of a circle, and he had people just come at me. You know, boom!"

[He] remembers what he was thinking as 10 guys took turns slamming into him: "If that makes you feel better, if you could sleep better at night knowing that you did that, Coach, if that's going to make me a better player, then the hell with it. Bring it on."

Wow, that is a relevant incident to us today! In fact, we're surprised that the Sentinel did not raise the hoary old spectre of Steven-whine!-O'Leary-cursed-at-me-and-ruined-my-potential Moffett. What tremendous restraint.

If you're dissatisfied with George O'Leary, fine. He's got a pretty mediocre record overall, doesn't he? UCF under King George's rule certainly hasn't stunned BCS teams in bowl games like Boise State, has not produced a Heisman contender contender like Hawaii, and certainly has not torn through BCS teams like The Fightin' Latter Day Saints have.

He's not a pleasant guy. He's cantankerous and rude. But these George O'Leary stories have gotten absurd, and loaded with awful implications.

Again, if we want to find solutions to tragedies like Plancher's death, we should have NCAA regulations that require more extensive testing of student athletes. Or, Hell, concerned programs could lead the way and voluntarily do more rigorous testing. In any case, let's not pin it on O'Leary personally. Let's you know, work on solutions instead.

To leave you with another perspective (look! we are both fair and balanced!), here's an anonymous comment from a post we made about O'Leary's rough style:

Hell of a point of view. . . Is it strange to you that players like Walker and Marshall who were great athletes at UCF dont come back to watch bowl games or championship games? Probably because even though they were incredible athletes they recognize they had a prick for a coach and dont want to come back. Yeah, football is about yelling but for a major university shouldnt it also be about creating relationships with the student athletes that come in and out of the program every year? I think it is.

Mull it over, y'all, mull it over.

Another Perspective on UCF/BC Fandom

The Central Florida Future has an adorable little article about how UCf fans should emulate BC fans. We humbly submit that we would hurl ourselves down the steps of The Dungeon if this were the case. We don't want to see a return to the days when UCF fans sat limp-wristed and confused in the Citrus Bowl, do we?

That being said, UCF fans could use with being a little less awful to other fans. We need to emulate the noble gorilla: we can all bang on our chests about who the alpha ape is, but at the end of the day, we should still be able to sit down and eat bananas together.

If BC Fans Ran the Country, We Would Lose the War on Terror

We recently arrived home from a wonderful trip to Boston. After taking in some extremely serious meetings on Friday, we enjoyed did not weep openly at the BC-UCF game. Observations:

1. BC Fans are Unsure of What to Do at a Football Game. No cursing, threatening, shouting, cheering, clapping of hands or stamping of feet. Indeed, we are fairly certain that BC fans lack the tendons needed to stand. The SEC, this was not. Hell, the C-USA, this was not. By comparison . . .

2. Six UCF Fans are Louder than an Entire Section of BC Fans. We are very proud of our fellow UCF fans. We used to complain loudly, bitterly, and often that UCF fans were insufficiently passionate about their team. Consider the complaints withdrawn. UCF fans are rowdier by far than the meek and feeble BC fans.

3. But that guy Brad was pretty cool. We did have one of the most pleasant half time conversations with Brad, the only BC fan in earshot who cheered like someone at a football game. And UCF was even leading at the time! If this were an SEC game he would have preemptively smashed us in the face with a whiskey bottle and dragged us out to his mobile home/ meth lab/ redneck torture chamber.

Northeast liberals just don't understand preemption.

4. A plague on all of your kickers. Even the BC fans were not as awful as the kickers from both teams. Seriously, y'all are very bad at football. Two kicks bounce off the posts? Ridiculous short misses. Unacceptable. What is wrong with the kickers? What could make them so profoundly, profoundly terrible?

Oh. Well, it all makes sense, then.

5. We sorely miss 24K and his amateur status. How is that whole "going pro early" thing working out for you, anyway? Pretty mediocre you say?

6. What a Disheartening Season this will be. When you get schooled by a team playing as turnover-tastic as BC, you know it's going to be a long, long season. We only have one BCS school left to try and upset and that is not going to happen. We saw Miami play, and they are going to reduce the Knights to a bloody smear when the teams meet in October.

Oh You Dirty, Dirty, Boy

Media types calling George O'Leary got connected to a phone sex line. Presumably not on purpose.

Apparently, the UCF athletics communications director screwed up one digit on a conference call. The phone was answered:

"Hello, sexy. You've reached the one-on-one fantasy line."

What is our fantasy? Mmmm...UCF in the Big East, playing and beating USF every year.

Don't think O'Leary can provide that one.

We Can Win If They Stay Crippled . . .

. . . and that's always a cheery thought. UCF needs to hope that a physically imposing BC team remains sufficiently injury-hampered for the Knights to win on Saturday. BC defensive end Alex Albright is out for the year with some sort of disc problem. Several other BC players got banged up in their feeble loss to Georgia Tech two weeks ago, but are likely to play.

Meanwhile, UCF Wide Receiver Kamar Aiken is likely out.

Keep your fingers crossed, because this is the Knights' only decent chance to beat a team from a BCS conference this year. We've seen Miami play and, damn, will they turn UCF into a bloody smear.

Ramblin'

1. Bullshit. We our denied our opportunity to gloat this Friday when USF escaped Kansas at the end of the game. We assumed that Mark Mangino would be hungry for beef, but apparently not hungry enough. We're very distressed about the very real possibility that USF will tear through the Big East undefeated. Sweet, sweet, schadenfreude denied...

2. ...kind of. Because at least we got to watch USC thrash Ohio State into utter submission. We wonder how long it takes before the voters and talking heads finally understand that they vastly, vastly overrate OSU. Can't beat Florida, can't beat LSU, sure as Hell cannot beat USC.

3. Uh, Georgia not as good as advertised. Thank God.

4. We go to Boston this weekend. We'll be attending the annual meeting of a certain nonprofit organization we're a little bit enthusiastic about on Friday. On Saturday, we plan to squeeze in the UCF-BC game. Also: gorging ourselves on clam chowder. Or chowdah. Whatever.

Should be exciting since this is, you know, UCF's only reasonable chance this year to beat a "name" team. Having seen UM play this year, we're aware that they will stick a shiv into the Knights. Multiple, multiple times. And of course, that whole USF thing didn't work out too well...as usual. But at least BC is craptacular, as its performance against Georgia Tech indicates.

Mmm. Chowdah!

Fewer Arrests at UCF-USF than UF-UM

The Orlando Sentinel announces that there were fewer arrests UCF-USF game at the UF-UM game.

As if that were a good thing. When will people realize that we will not get the respect we deserve as a football school until there are more arrests at our game? At UCF there were 5 custodial arrests and 31 notices to appear (non-custodial arrests). UF police arrested 50 people.

We were saddened initially, until we realized this:

Attendance at the UCF game was about half that at the UF game. So proportionately, UCF may actually have had MORE arrests....

The UF statistic of 50 arrests does not specify whether notices to appear (non-custodial arrests) were counted separately (as UCF counted them) or incorporated into the "50 arrests" figure. If they were incorporated...then the UCF game DID in fact have a higher proportion of arrest-per-game-attendee!

Our quest for football school legitimacy continues!

USF's Leavitt Talks Trash About UCF Filling Stadium, Lacks Stadium of Own

USF Coach Jim Leavitt says, of the fact that USF's game against Kansas is not expected to sell out:

"Fifty-two thousand isn't bad," Leavitt said. "It's more than they got at Central Florida, right? By a bunch. And that's a sellout over there, right? I'm not making comparisons, and I probably shouldn't have said those things about them the other day. I'm not taking any of it back, but I mean, they have a good program. George (O'Leary) does a good job there."

This is sort of like us insulting Hugh Heffner for having insufficient numbers of bikini women in his grotto. We, of course, lack a grotto of our own (to say nothing of our wont of bikini women). Why would we cast aspersions on another man's grotto given such a condition?

Dear Jim: You do not have a stadium, so don't complain about how many people we cram into ours.

But wait! They play in Raymond James! News flash: it says "Buccaneers" in the end zone and has a god damn pirate ship. A god damn pirate ship. So that doesn't count.

And listen genius...The Dungeon has 45,301 seats. If it had more, believe me, we would will them for key games, too.