USF's Moffitt Unable to Spell, Properly Use Contraception

Many of you know that The Persistent Fool detests USF. A large part of that is due to the fact that this program lapped rival UCF, another program competing for respect. Another part of it is the fact that USF was the highest ranked football program in the state of Florida for a brief part of this season- that was heresy. Then, of course, there are the fans:

No caption could possibly do this image justice.

So it warmed the cockles of The Persistent Fool's heart to hear of USF linebacker Ben Moffitt's recent woes. Ah, sweet, sweet, Schadenfreude. The St. Petersburg Times reports that formerly-model husband and father of two Moffitt is going through a divorce with his wife of five (5!) years, Shauna.

Shauna has stated to the media that she wrote papers for Moffitt and took online classes for him. Additionally, Shauna's sister claims that she also wrote papers for Moffitt. Perhaps the most alarming/hilarious comment from Shauna Moffitt:

"[H]e doesn't know how to spell."

Ouch. In addition to failing to master the intricacies of the English language, Moffitt also does not understand the nuances of birth control. As the St. Pete Times article notes:

"Shauna Moffitt said Thursday that her husband left her with their two children, ages 5 and 3, on Nov. 11 - the day after the Bulls ended a three-game losing streak with a win at Syracuse - and has had limited contact with them since."

We should all feel bad for Shauna, whose now-deadbeat husband "has not done anything to support his family financially" since leaving the family's home. We should also feel bad for Shauna because she looks like she should be at home living under a bridge, waiting to eat unwary travelers.

Shauna Moffitt and family, circa 1/08.

Last Glimpse of the Orange Bowl...Perhaps You'd Like to Buy a Part?

Tonight is the last chance for a national TV audience to glimpse the Orange Bowl before that much-beloved, much-maligned, decrepit old structure gets torn down. At 8 o'clock...the Offense-Defense All-American Bowl for high-school seniors.

Wow. Uh, gee.

But there are also a number of ways you can get your greedy paws on a piece of history. Much of the stadium will be auctioned off, including the urinals. Fans can also buy their specific seat from when they were season ticket holders.

And yes, the actual Orange Bowl (not held in the Orange Bowl) was so uninspiring, that this is the most interesting Orange Bowl related piece of commentary we could generate. Look, its a dry hole, folks. The Miami Herald called the game "relatively competitive," which, really, is a charitable characterization.

New Photo For The Persistent Fool

We've got a new photo for our banner!

This was taken by Matt Pollitt, a former photographer for the UCF Future. UCF had just beaten Marshall, 23-13 to end what was then the longest losing streak in the nation. Students rushed the field, pushing past a line of police officers to tear down the goalposts.

Exultant fans smashed the goal post, and transported large pieces of it to the Reflection Pond on the UCF Campus. Eventually, university police chased the students out of the Pond and confiscated the thoroughly shattered remains of the goal post.

UCF's Reflection Pond

Mining ColtBrennanblog.com For All It's Worth

Georgia tore Hawaii's soul apart in a brutal Sugar Bowl, smashing the reputation of the WAC and undermining the respectability of non-BCS conferences everywhere. As Ivan Maisel wrote, "The result Tuesday night is what the BCS and its bowls feared when they opened their doors to college football's wretched refuse. Hawaii looked like a huddled mass unable to let its quarterback breathe free." Ouch.

In the wake of this epic beating, Every Day Should Be Saturday has drawn our attention to "Colt Brennan Blog." EDSBS points out one of the greatest blog comments ever written:

• DON HO // January 1, 2008 at 8:09 pm

  Mele Kalikimaka, thanks ALOT for that performance 41-10!!! I just got kicked out out of heaven for that performance! I don’t even like football!!!! Owwww It’s hot down here!!!! Everybody hates The Hukilau and Tiny Bubbles THANKS A LOT COLT

A plethora of other amazing comments exist, however, and cry out for exposure. Consider the comments of Middle Schooler Puamai’ole Kala-Reantaso, whose name defies attempts at pronunciation:

"I cried for you when you got injured and prayed that everything would be okay."

I'm sure it was a tearful night for little Puamai’ole Kala-Reantaso. Georgia sacked Brennan eight times, knocked him down a Helluva lot more, and generally used the quarterback as a meat puppet. Get the kleenex.

Consider also the sage comments of Aaron Lepkowski: "Please someone tell me, this guy is thee best Qb in all of college history in my opinion. If he can play another year he can get the heisman!" There are so many things wrong with this statement, it makes my brain hurt.

Another poster on ColtBrennanblog.com pointed out that "Hawaii had a good season but was ultimatly [sic] exposed." Of course, Brennan's had problems with exposing himself before, hasn't he? I think Georgia might have consented, though.

I'll leave you with one final comment: "Colt was a winner the day he turned his back from worldly gains..." Yes, Colt Brennan is apparently Jesus. No clue as to whether he will rise from the dead after the Sugar Bowl.

Hawaii Band Also Plays Song From Musical for Some Reason

As if Michigan's show tune oriented halftime show was not awful enough, Hawaii's band played "Over the Rainbow" as part of its half time show.

As Wikipedia notes:

The song's plaintive melody and simple lyrics depict a pre-adolescent girl's desire to escape from the "hopeless jumble" of this world, from the sadness of raindrops to the bright new world "over the rainbow." It expresses the childlike faith that a door will magically be opened to a place where "troubles melt like lemon-drops."

An apt halftime selection. The Sugar Bowl is proving to be a "hopeless jumble" for the Rainbow Warriors, who are most definitely playing like pre-adolescent girls. I think the only thing melting like a lemon drop, however, is Hawaii's line.

Michigan beats UF, Performs Emasculating Halftime Show

Earlier today, Michigan beat UF in a fantastic game, 41-35.

The game is most notable, however, for Michigan's utterly emasculating halftime show. The Michigan band performed Broadway show tunes. Yes, Broadway show tunes.

As if performing a song from your girlfriend's favorite musical, Wicked, was not emasculating enough, the Michigan band also performed a selection from Hairspray.

What is Hairspray about? I'm glad you asked:

"[T]he '50s are out and change is in the air. Baltimore's Tracy Turnblad, a big girl with big hair and an even bigger heart, has only one passion--to dance. She wins a spot on the local TV dance program, "The Corny Collins Show" and, overnight, is transformed from outsider to irrepressible teen celebrity. But can a trendsetter in dance and fashion vanquish the program's reigning princess, win the heart of heartthrob Link Larkin, and integrate a television show without denting her 'do?"

Riveting, riveting stuff. The Michigan band also played “Spring Time for Hitler” from the musical The Producers. Wow. Gee, uh, gee whiz. This was easily the best show tune/football tie-in since the UCF band thought it would be a fine idea to play a selection from Les Miserables.

"Go Blue!"

Sugar Bowl: Hawaii to Prove Selves Unworthy of BCS

As the Sugar Bowl begins, Hawaii has already begun to prove itself unworthy of a place in the BCS picture.

But what discussion of Hawaii would be complete without discussion of Colt Brennan, a player who has been re-branded by the national sports media as a likeable maverick, a charming rogue. And what discussions would be complete without ESPN characterizing Hawaii as a home for second chances. Or possibly some vaguely racist discussion of the Rainbow Warrior's pre-game dance ritual.

I haven't yet heard the obligatory oblique reference to Hawaii QB Colt Brennan's checkered past yet. So here we go, spelled out for you:

While a member of the football team at Colorado, Brennan entered the dorm room of a female student uninvited. She claimed that he "exposed himself and fondled her." In any case, Brennan ended up pleading guilty to charges of burglary and trespassing. A guilty verdict for unlawful sexual contact was later vacated.

As Colt Brennan said, "That's why I think I got into that situation. I took things for granted." Consent, evidently, is one of those things.

Rose Bowl a Soul-Crushing Bore as Anticipated

Wow...Trojans tear apart the Fighting Zooks, 49-17. Who could have anticipated it?

Once again, this was a classic Rose Bowl match-up featuring a Pac-10 team versus a Big Ten team. Wheeeee.

Rant: The Rose Bowl is Terrible This Year

It will all too soon be time for the most overrated game of the year, the Rose Bowl. ESPN would like to remind you of this fact, every couple of minutes.

ESPN would also like to remind you that this is a "classic" Rose Bowl game, featuring a Pac-10 team versus a Big Ten team. Were you aware that this is a classic Rose Bowl game, featuring a Pac-10 team versus a Big Ten team? I was, in fact, aware that this is a classic Rose Bowl game, featuring a Pac-10 team versus a Big Ten team.

In so often reminding viewers that this is a classic Rose Bowl game, featuring a Pac-10 team versus a Big Ten team, ESPN seems to be acknowledging that this is a match-up no one wants to see. USC is an obvious choice, of course, being Pac-10 co-champion, sharing that honor with an anemic Arizona State team. The match-up everyone wants to see would have been USC versus Georgia. Those are the teams that, we're also frequently reminded by ESPN, "are playing the best football right now."

By the way, were you aware that this is a classic Rose Bowl game, featuring Pac-10 team versus a Big Ten team?

Instead of a genuinely exciting Rose Bowl, we have the classic Rose Bowl pap, featuring a Pac-10 team versus a Big Ten team. Of course, this would be the 9-3 Fighting Zooks. Isn't that exciting? While earlier in the season anyone could (and Stanford and Oregon did) beat USC, this is no longer the case. The Zooks are not going to break the Trojans anytime soon. This classic Rose Bowl game, featuring a Pac-10 team versus a Big Ten team should be a brutal drubbing.

Of course, this game is being crammed down our throats because of ESPN's tremendous Pac-10 and Big Ten bias. ESPN has the contract to broadcast the games from both conferences, and so it behooves the network to pump up any game its show ponies play in.

But that's a rant for another day. In the mean time, enjoy your classic Rose Bowl game, featuring a Pac-10 team versus a Big Ten team.

Which no one wants to see.

Tampa Tribune Reports Awfulness of USF

Today's Tampa Tribune expounds on the awfulness of USF.

Brett McMurphy notes that USF lost because:

1. USF was severely outplayed.
2. USF was severely outcoached.
3. The Bulls were full of themselves.
4. The Bulls are notoriously bad performing front runners.
5. Oregon had a better plan.

So in other words...USF = Awful.

UCF fan, wrap this around you like a warm, warm, blanket. At least the Knights won their conference.

FSU fan, know that you are not alone in collapsing in a bowl game. Again.

UF fan, keep feeling superior, knowing that you have the undisputed best program in the state.

UM fan, you are still so fucked. Seriously.

Happy New Year!