Post-Draft Mash-Up

We wanted to gather some of our post-draft thoughts in one place. There were obvious stories, and then there were little nuggets of information too interesting to be left out, and too unimportant to justify their own posts:

1) DARREN MCFADDEN'S MOTHER WAS A CRACK ADDICT? DO YOU UNDERSTAND? CRACK ADDICT! CRACK ADDICTS SMOKE CRACK, WHICH IS WHAT DARREN MCFADDEN'S MOTHER DID, MAKING HER A CRACK ADDICT. Thank you, thank you for that, ESPN. If you hadn't reminded us every three minutes that Darren McFadden's mother was a crack addict, we might have never remembered. Now, we very sure of this fact. Very, very sure! After all, we heard it dozens and dozens of time during your broadcast! We now feel comfortable approaching strangers on the street to have discussions about the all-important fact that Darren McFadden's mother was a crack addict. Granted, when I close my eyes, I have visions of Darren McFadden's mother inhaling crack smoke out of an apple. Price you pay, I guess! Thanks ESPN!

2) Kevin Smith went in the 3rd round. HE IS NOT A CRACK ADDICT. DON'T CONFUSE HIM WITH DARREN MCFADDEN'S MOTHER WHO IS A CRACK ADDICT. The third C-USA running back taken, Smith should get a lot of carries early on for the Lions. We predict a short but fruitful NFL career before the hits wear him out/break him down. This guy is going to get more carries then...uh...something that carries quite a lot.

2.5) Josh Sitton of the Knights went dead last in the 4th round. To Green Bay. Wow. Geez. Not a lot to say about that, other than whenever we mention Green Bay and UCF in the same sentence, it makes us nostalgic for Atari Bigby's hair.

No, this post isn't really about you at all. But when else do we get to shoehorn in a reference to our favorite player whose name is the Japanese word for "attack?"

Quatro) Oh, some Gator boys were picked, too. Derrick Harvey went to the Jaguars as the result of a surprising trade up. Andre "Bubba" Caldwell got snagged by Cincinnati. Tony Joiner (of "breaking-into-a-tow-lot-to-steal-back-a-car") fame was signed as a free agent. Carlton Medder and Drew Miller were also signed as free agents.

<*) Miami's going streaking! 14th year in a row! Everybody to the Quad. UM, like Will Ferrell, is still streaking. But just barely.

%) GGGGGEEEEE-NOOOOOO. FSU's Geno Hayes went in the sixth round. Uh, wow! This is of course the same guy who said he was going to "end" Tim Tebow, shortly before UF clobbered FSU 45-12. He made one tackle the entire game, and pushed an elderly journalist after it. Oh, he also had to be tasered outside a Tallahassee club one time. Drafted in the sixth round? Couldn't happen to a nicer guy, as far as we're concerned. Oh yeah, FSU Players fared pretty badly in the draft overall.

3+2+1) Mmm...Sweet Schadenfreude. One of our least favorite players, Colt Brennan, was taken in round six at pick number 186. Astute readers (Hell, we guess you don't really need to be astute to pick up on this) know that we hate/love-to-hate Colt Brennan: we gloated when he failed miserably at the Senior Bowl, and we watched gleefully as his poor performance in the Sugar Bowl got Don Ho kicked out of Heaven. We normally like felonious football players-- it's fun as Hell to write about them-- but this guy's felony convictions arose out of an incident in which he entered the room of a female student at Colorado and "exposed himself and fondled her." Yeah, yeah. We know the court vacated the unlawful sexual contact conviction (though the felony burglary and trespassing convictions stuck)--- But guess what? There are no burdens of proof on the internet!

Anyway, buried in the sixth round is a fine place for this guy. Unlike DARREN MCFADDEN'S MOTHER, COLT BRENNAN IS NOT A CRACK ADDICT. Or, at least, so we think.

...or so this adorable cat informed me.

Andre Caldwell Goes!

...eventually. Wide Receiver Caldwell goes to the Cincinnati Bengals with the 97th overall pick.

Here's what College Football News had to say:

34

97

Cincinnati Andre Caldwell, WR Florida One of the toughest calls among the receivers, Bubba has good size, phenomenal speed, and was a dynamic playmaker at times throughout his record-setting Florida career. How much are scouts scared off by the broken leg suffered a few years ago? He might not have the elite skills to blossom into a star of any sort, but he's tough, isn't going to worry about taking a hit, and he can flat-out move either on deep balls or on short routes to rack up big yards after the catch.

Good for you, Bubba. Hey, remember this:

24K Goes as the First 3rd Round Pick (64th Overall)

The Detroit Lions sent a sixth round draft pick to Miami for the privilege of moving up two spots to draft Kevin Smith. 24k is the first pick of the third round, and the 64th overall. Readers will no doubt remember that after many, many, many assurances that he would not turn pro, Smith reversed position.

Not only was 24k not drafted in the first or second round, he was also the third C-USA running back picked. East Carolina's Chris Johnson went to Tennessee at number 24 overall. Chicago drafted Matt Forte of Tulane in the second round.

Regardless of the self-esteem hit of not being the first or second C-USA running back drafted, the Lions seem to be an excellent fit for 24k. The Lions have no running game to speak of, and will give Kevin Smith carries until he collapses give Kevin Smith plenty of opportunities to prove himself. They’ll appreciate his complete willingness to sacrifice his body hard-nosed work ethic.

Some collected perspectives on the 24k pick by those who are far more informed than we are:

ESPN:

1(64)	Detroit (From Miami)	Kevin Smith	RB	CENTRAL FLORIDA
	Smith can dance in the backfield too much and he's a little bit of an upright runner, so he takes some big hits. However, he does an excellent job of reading his blocks and shows good burst in the hole. He also has good vision and enough lateral mobility to make defenses pay for overpursuing.

College Football News:

1

64

Detroit (from Miami) Kevin Smith, RB UCF Would Smith be considered a first rounder if he was Kevin Smith, Florida instead of Kevin Smith, UCF? While his competition will be questioned, playing in Conference USA, he produced against everyone including NC State (217 yards and two touchdowns), Texas (149 yards and two touchdowns), and Mississippi State (119 yards, but on 35 carries). George O'Leary and the Knights weren't afraid to overuse their star getting him a whopping 450 carries and 24 catches last season, and he cranked out 2,567 rushing yards and 29 touchdowns despite having all 11 defenders and the waterboy focused on stopping him. He's a producer, but he'll have a short shelf life if he's asked to be a No. 1 back.

From Sports Illustrated:

Let me get this straight: the Lions traded two picks to Miami to select Central Florida running back Kevin Smith with the first selection of the draft's second day, No. 64 overall? I think I'm beginning to understand the draft strategy in Detroit. Whenever possible, you take the best available generically named running back -- providing his first name is Kevin.

The Lions cut injury-prone veteran running back Kevin Jones (first round, 2004) earlier this offseason and just replaced him with Kevin Smith. What, was Kevin Doe draft ineligible?

But seriously, not a bad recovery by the Lions after passing on Illinois running back Rashard Mendenhall with their No. 15 first-round pick on Saturday. Smith, of course, led the nation in rushing last year for UCF, and listening to him at the scouting combine in February, he clearly has a chip on his shoulder with something to prove to the teams that classified him a second-day pick. Detroit seems satisfied to go to work with a backfield tandem of Tatum Bell and Smith.

We'll update this post with other perspectives as they come out.

Good luck 24K, and thanks for carrying our entire offense last year. Let's send you off with, say, a highlight video of everyone of the 41 carries you had against UAB:

Jacksonville Jaguars Draft Gators DE Derrick Harvey #8

Hey, look at that: a Gator goes at number 8. Harvey will join former teammate Reggie F'n Nelson, whom the Jacksonville Jaguars snapped up last year. You may remember Harvey from last year's BCS Title Game, in which he made Troy Smith weep tears of blood. And look: highlights from this year!

UCF Players Meeting with University Attorneys About Plancher's Death

UCF players are now meeting with University Attorneys as part of the continuing investigation into Erek Plancher's death.

We expect the Orlando Sentinel to soon begin reporting that University Torture Experts are waterboarding the UCF players, shocking them with alligator clips connected to car batteries, tearing their fingernails out with rusty pliers, giving them the ol' dutch oven, and probably even directing mean spirited [expletives] at them.

We'll be waiting with bated breath for that forthcoming expose.

Because it's the Offseason, and There's Nothing to Write About Until the Draft Starts...

...how about a mascot fight?


Yeah, that's the stuff.

Doing The People's Work

The Florida Legislature is doing the people's work. In what was no doubt an excellent use of government resources, the Florida State Senate awarded Tim Tebow the Medallion of Excellence for his off field achievements. Off field achievements? Why, yes:

Tebow, who was home-schooled for 12 years before college, has a 3.77 grade point average at Florida. He spent his spring break visiting orphans and sick children in the Philippines, where his parents are missionaries.

What, no mentions of the many surgeries he performed there? No mention that Tim Tebow can in fact believe it's not butter? Well, regardless, that sweet GPA and 10 days of volunteerism certainly qualifies Tebow to receive "the highest citizens honor the Senate can bestow."

The Florida House of Representations also honored Tebow with a resolution. Ladies and gentlemen, I now present to you the full text of HR 9177, Timothy "Tim" Tebow:

Commends Tim Tebow for his academic & athletic accomplishments, recognizes him for his character & compassion toward his fellow human beings, & congratulates him on his historic recognition in being awarded 2007 Heisman Trophy.

After receiving this honor, Tebow "threw several passes to Speaker Marco Rubio, R-West Miami." What is it with Speaker Rubio? This guy has must have the most achingly unfulfilled football fantasies. Astute football/state politics enthusiasts (all three of you) will recall two years ago when Rubio bobbled a pass from Dan Marino on the House floor. Again, we're sure there was a valid legislative purpose underlying that as well.

This is probably the most important legislative event since Hoopz from Flava of Love came to the state Capitol. Yes, we were there. Jesus, the legislators were more excited for that than they were for Newt Gingrich's visit a week or so later.

Not that we blame them, really.

At the risk of getting bogged down in further editorializing, we give you The People's Work:

Tim Tebow's tears can fix Florida's homeowner's insurance crisis. Too bad he's never cried.

Foolishness

Earlier this week, FSU's Preston Parker was arrested for possession of marijuana (4.81 grams) and for carrying a concealed weapon (a .45). Ballin'. For those not aware, Parker's probably FSU's best offensive player. He appears to be working on becoming the 'Noles most criminally-offensive player as well.

Oh, that also means he's going to get charged with petty theft stemming from an earlier incident. Parker had been sent to pre-trial diversion and, had he completed it successfully, the theft charges would have been dropped. He had not yet satisfied the terms of the diversion program- though Parker had completed the educational component and done the required community service, he didn't actually pay $200 in court costs. Oops. Now that case gets kicked out of the diversion program and back on to the court's docket.

We've noticed that news outlets seem confused about whether the concealed weapon will be charged as a felony. Lawya, please! Of course it will be charged as a felony:

Fla. Stat. 790.01, Carrying Concealed Weapons
...
(2) A person who carries a concealed firearm on or about his or her person commits a felony of the third degree, punishable as provided in s. 775.082, s. 775.083, or s. 775.084.
...

You get the misdemeanor charge for concealed weapons other than firearms.

Not a felony.

Not a felony.

Felony.
(We good now?)

But we didn't want to just rag on poor felonious Preston Parker. We also wanted to point out that our emergent Gator stand-out Chris Rainey is also foolish as Hell (though not criminally):

[H]e asked to visit Meyer's house one Sunday last summer for what Meyer expected to be a serious chat (Did Rainey want out?). Turns out he just wanted to hang out with Meyer's pre-teen son Nate. "He's watching 'Ice Age' with my 9-year-old," Meyer said. "They're on the same wavelength."

Dude...what?

Incredibly Premature Predictions: UM Edition

The inimitable Sunday Morning Quarterback presents its assessment of Miami. You know, those guys whose team is wind...or water...or both, really. SMQ predicts a thorough beating at the hands of the Gators, a split of the VT and FSU games, and a winning conference record...or maybe just going 4-8.

On a more optimistic note, College Football News predicts a realistic record of 8-4. CFN says the Canes will be helped by a fortuitous schedule. Stuff orange and green people like? How about not having to play Clemson and BC, and getting VT and FSU at home.

And yes, we do believe UM will shiv in the gut thoroughly beat the Knights in Miami. Thank you, 24k, you and your bags and bags of NFL dollars.

More Knights Games to Be Televised

2008 UCF Football National Broadcast Schedule
Sept. 6 USF ESPN2 7 p.m.
Sept. 27 UTEP CBS C 8 p.m.
Oct. 4 SMU CBS C 3:30 p.m.
Oct. 26 at Tulsa ESPN 8 p.m.
Nov. 2 East Carolina ESPN 8 p.m.

That's what we're talkin' about. We definitely love those Sunday night C-USA games. Even better, the Knights should win 4 of the 5 televised games. The Bulls will hammer us. Tulsa looks good but...meh. We'll take 3 of those televised games at worst.